we're marching on
by snowyseas
Summary: Lucy refuses to accept Natsu's farewell letter and has no idea how to deal with it. NaLu drabble, spoilers for chapter 416. [NaLu]


I really just wanted to hurt my own heart. And you guys, of course. This is my second NaLu drabble - I think I am slowly sort of kind of getting the hang of this pairing!

* * *

The space around her felt quieter than usual. It was almost maddening, it was unreal, it was absolutely _wrong_ for her apartment to be this quiet. Ever since she came here, she had gotten used to the noise that always surrounded her everywhere she went. She lowered herself onto a nearby cushion and read the letter time and time again, her fingers holding the paper gently — despite the creases that she knew Natsu already made from trying to keep it safe.

"…back in a year or so."

"…take care of everyone, alright!"

Feeling the tears in her throat, she tried to breathe and remind herself to stay calm. There was always a problem with that, though — _Natsu_ wrote this letter. _Natsu_ was the one who was leaving. Lucy, with all the power she could muster without knocking anything over, folded the letter and shoved it back into its envelope, slipped into her jacket and stuffing the envelope in her pocket. She headed for the door when her knees buckled, causing her to almost fall to the hardwood floors. Tears spilled from her eyes and she balled her hands into fists, gritting her teeth.

"No… I can't do this," she uttered, "you idiot."

She turned the doorknob and slammed the door behind her in a frenzy. Running down the stairs, she was almost impressed that she didn't trip with her blurry vision and runny nose. Her throat was closing up and her chest was beginning to heave — and she knew it wasn't because of the fear in her heart. She demanded an explanation, even just a few answers. Surely, there had to be another way. Surely, he didn't have to leave the guild — leave _her._

"You idiot," she cried, "I'd be so lonely!"

The heel of her boots clacked against the pavement as she ran through town, the civilians looking after her with sadness written in their eyes, though certainly it wasn't merely for her sake. Lucy took in the sights of the streets of Magnolia and the image of a girl running and crying in a ruined city seemed so much more lonely. She ran through a mass of forest — the ones she had come upon during that one time when she found their home by accident. She appeared at the front door and without hesitation, pushed the door open. She opened her mouth, about to protest Natsu's and Happy's intentions, but —

It was empty.

Her eyes stared at the clutter on the floor, and none of it was unusual. But a daunting, knowing feeling creeped up onto her when she was staring at Natsu's wall. She couldn't quite place it, but she felt that something was missing. Taking just a few, careful steps closer, her eyes focused on an empty spot where she knew something used to hang. She felt her heart drop when she touched the wall. Their photo.

The photo of her, Natsu, and Happy — all together, smiling.

It was gone.

Right below the spot, another empty patch laid. An immediate realization came over her and she rested her head against the wall, the sobs filling her chest again. _He took the form fill for our first mission together too_, she thought. She stayed there for just a few minutes, allowing her thoughts to collect. No matter how much she went over Natsu's letter in her head, she couldn't understand. Even as she turned off the light — it was so like him to forget something like that — and even as she closed his door, she couldn't understand.

She didn't think she would even when he came back.

The town was less crowded during the winter, but civilians were out and about, enjoying the snow and the ice. Lucy smiled to herself softly, thinking that Gray and Juvia probably loved this type of weather. She stood a few hundred meters away from the guild and stared, unsure of where she wanted to be. Her fingers squeezed around the letter in her pocket, and without a second thought, she began walking towards the sea.

* * *

The waves crashed against the rocks and she could see it clearly from where she sat. She timed the moments when the sea touched the shore, and would be surprised when she was a beat faster or slower. It was beginning to get cold and she had sneezed a few times, but she merely wrapped her jacket around her and shivered, staring out longingly at the sea.

Truthfully, Lucy had no idea what she was doing here.

It was cold, it was _wet_, and she was obviously miserable. She grunted at the thought, but she knew herself — when push comes to shove, she sometimes tried to bottle things up. It wasn't a defense mechanism — like so many people had thought — it was just a habit. She rested her chin on her knees when she heard footsteps behind her, marking the snow with their own boots. She turned her head and she gave a smile to her teammate that was feared by most people in Magnolia, as the knight, more commonly known as Titania.

"Hey," Erza whispered, smiling. She held two mugs of what Lucy could only assume was hot chocolate. Leave it to Erza to always have a craving for sweet things.

"Hey," Lucy answered, turning her attention back to the sea.

Silence filled the space between them for a good few minutes, even when Erza handed the second mug to Lucy. Without realizing it, Lucy allowed her head to lull onto Erza's shoulder, and her tears were falling into Erza's lap. With a free hand, Erza stroked her hair, humming a lullaby that only a mother would sing.

"Why are you all the way out here in the cold?" she finally asked.

Lucy hesitated but she sat up and took a deep breath.

"There was less people here."

"You didn't think to go home?"

"I didn't want to," Lucy shook her head as she answered.

Nodding, Erza continued to sip her drink and allowed Lucy to be silent. She played with the rim of her mug as Lucy finished her own drink, setting the cup aside, and once more, the silence was filled with sighing and humming.

"You know, Lucy," Erza said, "he wants to protect you."

"All of us," Lucy corrected.

"Most importantly, you."

Lucy didn't answer.

"He may be hard-headed, but he knows what he needs to do. You just have to let him."

"I am."

"Then why are you upset?" Erza inquired softly.

Looking towards the sky as though there were answers, Lucy sighed. There were so many _ways_ to talk about this, but she wasn't sure which way was the best — was the least selfish. She bit her lip in earnest, trying her luck. It was Erza, after all.

"I just wish he took me with him."

"But why?"

"There are a lot of things about Natsu that I don't understand. This is one of the things I want to."

After a heartbeat, she realized what she was asking for.

"I don't want him to have to go through this alone."

If Lucy wasn't so upset, she would have chuckled — so she was surprised when she heard it coming from Erza. She turned her head and looked at the woman, raising her eyebrows in question. Erza merely smiled at her, though her eyes held a softness Lucy couldn't quite read. She raised her hand again and threaded her fingers through Lucy's loose strands, tugging them behind her ear.

"He's not. He has you to come home to," Erza whispered.

"Us," Lucy said, though she was blushing.

Erza smirked.

"Most importantly, you. Just be patient."

It was a few minutes before the two of them stood, brushed off their legging-covered legs, and began walking back towards what was left of the guild. Everyone was discussing what to do for the next few months, since the guild was disbanded, but in the midst of the anxiety over what to do, Lucy found that everyone was still trying to be there for each other — still trying to smile, and without even having to try, she started to feel a little better. Gray patted her head and Juvia pulled her hand to sit with them. Levy smiled at her reassuringly and Gajeel handed her a drink, and in just a short amount of time — things didn't seem so bad, as long as they had each other.

She felt around for the letter in her pocket again, and she smiled.

_Natsu_, she thought, _come home stronger. We'll be here, waiting._


End file.
